Love Love Love

[This posting is kind of dubious, and maybe it's because I'm still not sure about my view myself. I mean Christianity is the based of the book but I actually don't believe in Christianity. I agree with some points in the book, but not the whole book, but I have in mind that True Christians must love this book. So, I hope there's something to be learnt from it, but I guarantee nothing]

Few days ago when I read scrwp’s blog about love .. or the so-called true love. I was tempted to ask my self, what about me, what about my view about love, do I believe in true love and such…

Well, I am so virgin that I have never kissed any girl up until now, but I have watched enough adult videos that I know exactly how they made baby, it’s not from the birds or giant peach.
Well, I’m just trying to say that I might never have any “serious relationship” with anybody yet, but I hope that doesn’t mean I know nothing about love, hehe.
Or do you think knowledge about love can be gained only by trial&error which means people who have been with more girlfriends or boyfriends are more expert on the topic?

Why do people never think that someone who slept with her ex and later on broke-up with her, will not repeat the same thing with his current girlfriend? Or wife?
Why people think someone could change without the necessary experience, without the necessary knowledge, without the necessary understanding?
So, do you think if someone want to get serious about love and relationship, should he/she learn it through experiences (which might involve kissing or maybe sleeping together)? Or through available information: books, friends, families, and seminar?

Well, I don’t have the correct answer, you decide.
Nevertheless, I still believe that there must be something about love that we could learn. As for me, besides learning from friends and experiences, there is one book about dating that I really like. I think it’s beautifully written, and there’s so much we can learn from it.

So, the book’s title is “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (click here for more information). Well, it’s a Christian book actually, but trusts me even if you’re not Christian you might still like the book, because I do - although I don’t 100%ly agree with the book, but that is simply because I’m not a Christian. (Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that everybody will definitely love the book. For example I believe that Usher won’t) But, I think if you’re Christian this book will even make much more sense, and if you really care about being a good Christian, this book can really support you.

So, about love and the book, let’s talk more about it.
The book is divided into four parts:

1. I kissed dating goodbye: the author tells us why the old dating paradigm is wrong.
2. The heart of the matter: learning the truer meaning of love.
3. Building a new lifestyle: as the title suggest.
4. Now what?: the continuation of the third part.

To talk wholly about the book might take several pages, so I will just put some interesting part about the book randomly:

First, everybody must agree with the common belief that nobody’s perfect, well if someone is cute and kind, she/he might be not smart enough, if she/he’s smart, that person might not be cute or kind, well … you got the point.
Well, I believe that for most Christian, it is a must to marry another Christian. Just like Christians, each certain kind of people got their own “must” categories. Certain kind of woman adores the rich because her family raised her with the belief of money over everything else. Certain kind of man badly wants a motherly woman because his mother teaches him that that’s how a woman should be. Certain other kind of people demand character and attitude quality in their life partners. Now the last one must sounds good and wise; unfortunately even for that kind of people, to simply ignore beauty is not an easy thing to do. (Sometimes I said to myself, I know that it is very unfortunate for someone to be blind, but maybe one good thing about being blind is your eyes won’t deceive you).

Anyway, the author suggests that to overcome this problem, when every times you “are falling head over heals for someone simply because of her charm and beauty,” “try to imagine what this girl will look like when she is fifty years old.” It’s an easy thing to do if she’s with her mother, the author added, if she’s not just try to use your imagination.
The girl might be pretty now, but what happen if her beauty fades away?
Character and attitude offer different result. Unlike outward appearance, they don’t get worse as someone grows old. Not everybody got this quality, but when you try hard enough you can see that some people have them.

Well, that’s just one tiny part of the book.

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Now, if you think you’ve learned enough about love from Hollywood, read these stories and think again (These two stories are taken from “I kissed dating goodbye”, page 55-58).

“You did what?” I asked in disbelief.
Jeff Laughed loudly and accelerated the car as we went around a turn. My shock apparently energized him. “Gloria told her mom she was staying at her friend’s house, and we rented a room at hotel Friday night,” he said as if it were no big deal.
Though he hardly seemed old enough to be driving, my sixteen-year-old friend was acting as my chauffer during the summer weeks I spent at my grandmother’s home in Ohio. Our parents had known each other since the couples were newly-weds; we had pictures playing together as preschoolers.
Jeff and his girlfriend, Gloria, had been going out for a while. If you didn’t count the numerous times they had broken up then reconciled, they had dated for almost a year. Jeff had always remained vague about their level of physical involvement, but now they had obviously fully consummated their relationship.
“We got a room at the Holiday Inn in Dayton,” he explained as he put his hand out the window into the cool night air. Turning to me he grinned, winked mischievously, and said, “Man, oh man.”
“I can’t believe you,” I said, letting the tone of my voice convey my disapproval. “You mean you and Gloria had … you had … I mean you slept together?”
Jeff could tell I wasn’t pleased. He wanted me to be impressed, to slap him on the back like one of his football teammates in the locker room and praise him for his “exploit.” I wanted to slap him all right, but not on the back.
“Look, Josh,” he said defensively, “we’ve waited a long time for this. It was very special. Maybe it doesn’t meet your morals, but we felt that it was the right time to show our love.”
“My morals?” I said indignantly. “My morals? Since when were they mine?” How many times have we talked about this? With each other? At church? Jeff, you know that wasn’t right. You …”
“We love each other,” Jeff said, cutting me off in mid-sentence. “If you ever really fall in love, then you’ll understand.”
The conversation ended. For some reason the stoplight took forever to turn green. We sat silently as the turn signal clicked off and on. I looked out the window.
Four years later, Jeff was going to college in Michigan. “I’m engaged!” he told me over the phone. “Debbie is incredible. I’ve never been so in love.”
“That’s great,” I said. My congratulations sounded hollow. I couldn’t help it. I was thinking of Gloria. I hadn’t seen her for a long time. What was she now? Three of four girlfriends back? Love huh?

The First Kiss

“How does Chinese sound?” I asked as we pulled out of the driveway.
“Hey, that’s great,” Eric replied with his typical enthusiasm.
I’d only just met Eric and his wife, Leslie, but had already noted Eric’s exuberance and excitement about everything-even my restaurant suggestion.
“That’s alright with you honey?” he gently asked Leslie, who was sitting in the back seat.
“Sure,” she replied sweetly.
Eric and Leslie had stopped by to visit me during a drive through the Northwest. A friend in Colorado had told me about these newlyweds and the little book they had written. The book told the story of how they had met and grown to love each other without following the typical pattern of dating.
You’d be hard pressed to find two more romantic people. They adored each other, and it showed. Eric rarely took his eyes off Leslie. Sitting in the passenger seat on the way to the restaurant, he slipped his hand behind the seat, and Leslie reached forward and clasped it. Holding his hands when one person is sitting in the front seat and the other is in the back? I’d never seen that before.
After dinner, while we cracked upon our fortune cookies, I had a question. “You two can’t keep your hands off each other,” I began teasingly. Leslie blushed. “Was it difficult keeping the physical side of your relationship pure while you were engaged?”
Eric took Leslie’s hand and smiled at her before he answered. “Of course the desire for that was present- it always will be,” he said. “But no, it wasn’t a struggle. Leslie and I decided very early in our relationship that we were going to refrain from physical contact until we were married. Our first kiss was at the altar.”
My jaw dropped. “You didn’t kiss until you got married?”
“Nope,” Eric said, beaming. “The most we did was hold hands. And Josh, we know that kind of standard isn’t for every couple. We didn’t make that decision to be legalistic; it came from the heart. Everyone, even our parents, told us we should kiss. But we both decided it was what we wanted to do. It was a way to show our love, to protect each other before we were married.” And then, with a twinkle in his eye, he said, “Let me tell you, Josh, that first kiss was the most incredible, beautiful thing in the world. I can’t even begin to describe it.”

"You two can't keep your hands off each other"

Eric and Leslie. Jeff and Gloria. Two couples that used the same word- love- to explain what motivated them to act in opposite ways. Were both couples talking about the same thing? For Jeff and Gloria, love justified a night in a hotel room enjoying each other’s bodies before marriage. For Eric and Leslie, love meant barely touching each other before they walked to the altar. For Jeff and Gloria, love was impatient and demanded compromise. For Eric and Leslie, love fueled integrity and gave them the patience needed to wait.
One word. Two definitions.

End-of-story

What a long one … I’m tired .. but it’s definitely worth it.
I would otherwise feel bad if I’m not sharing such beautiful and enlightening stories about love.

For the ending of this posting, I will quote a poem from the same book, the poem was called “A woman’s question” by Lena Lathrop.

A Woman’s Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life-
And a woman’s wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman’s soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God’s stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you’re wanting for socks and shirts-
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that His Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: “It is very good.”

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then ’mid the falling leaves,
As you did ’mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman’s heart and a woman’s life
Are not to be won that way.

…

Oh man, what a beautiful poem ….
Oh, how immature I am…..

Have-a-nice-day

Pretty true love story from Imelda's blog: click here

sn: I don't know where that picture was taken. It isn't mine.